nothing in my life is tangible (or so it feels)

It seems as if the more I do lately, the larger the steps I try to take, the less ground I gain. It is disheartening to such degree that I don't really have words to encapsulate it properly.

There is something odd about how a quick phone call, lasting less than two minutes, can upset weeks work of worth. Now granted, I had been foolish in counting chickens before they'd hatched -- but the project had been so perfect, the possible commission so plummy { which is important now that I am only getting paid that way and would really love an income } -- that I'd gotten caught up in looking forward to it actually being finalized and completed. Never really imagined that after all the conversations, meetings, agreements, and plans that it would be put to a cold hard stop.

And so now, I am back to the drawing board hoping that another project will surface on the horizon and that it will actually go through. Being self-employed is empowering, but in the infantile stages of your business growing, it is full of doubts and wonderings. Heaps of effort and exertion that leave you still standing in the same place where you started. Someone once told me, { I'm sure they meant to be helpful }, "If you're not moving forward, you're falling behind."

I'm hoping that statement is as untrue as any other old wives' tale. And hoping that tomorrow will contain another open window of possibility for me to pursue...